New CIA campus goes green

The CIA has apparently been green for years -- yet somehow, nobody managed to find out. But the notorious agency's new campus in Chantilly, Va., was just outed as neerg gniog (that's code for "going green"). The new campus has earned LEED green-building certification and features a green roof, preferred parking for carpoolers, energy-efficient equipment, and waterless urinals. We'd tell you more, but then we'd have to kill you. Or kidnap you and fly you to secret prisons offshore to be tortured. Or maybe, just maybe, we'll go old-school and support a coup against you.

(But don't worry, we'll buy carbon credits to offset everything.)