One option might be to try one of those fake owl statue things. Whatever they're called, that's what they're intended for; to keep birds from nesting or lighting in specific areas. The downside is that it might keep all the birds away from your property and that's not really a good solution in my book. With no birds policing your immediate area the bugs would be free to run amuck! I suppose it will depend on the specifics of your location and where you mount it. Anyway, that's one idea..
Might try buying a bracelet or necklace for the wife and hit her with it right before proposing whatever idea you end up settling on.